Hridaya 10 day Silent Retreat - Day 9)
It is in the infinite ocean of myself that the mind-creation called the world takes place. I am supremely peaceful and formless, and I remain as such – Janaka
It’s been 9 days without a mirror and not seeing the very thing that most people recognize as me, makes me less aware of the boundary of self. I realize one of my favorite things that happens in my meditations is when I lose the awareness of where my body starts and ends. It is particularly relevant in my finger tips if I sit in jnana mudra. After a while I can not tell if my fingers are touching or not. I cant tell where I end and the world begins. I am vibration, pure energy. I want to continue with the practice when the retreat ends. I ponder on the question in my mind: how to maintain daily life in spiritual life or how to maintain spiritual life in daily life?
Such a small difference but such a huge difference. I do not want to go back to daily life and have this as a thing I did. I want my life to be spiritual and for the daily necessities to happen. Bringing more peace and harmony into my life is nice but will not change my ego or the world. In the end there is no option, I have a changing paradigm my path is propelling me forward.
The 4 concepts given to help us trust are these
Consistency of the vision of life (consciousness of oneness) helps to strengthen it
Intensity of the experience and the deepening experience helps us remain consistent. Go beyond the mind, don’t rely on logic.
Authentic spiritual texts on these traditions give authority and legitimacy
The very intention to change and transform according to this vision will assist us
On our spiritual journey we are going against the norm, am I able to surrender to love and a higher reality? Can I do nice things always for the benefit of others rather then a few hours of service cleaning yoga mats? I want to act accordingly to my dharma, my souls longing, my souls purpose. Not our of fear for security.
If I fire an arrow at a target are the useless shots that are way off less valuable then the ones that hit. I need to trust more, to have faith in my heart, to let it lead, to trust my dharma, to believe my dharma is my souls reason for existence. To look for signs, to tune in to the wonder, to have faith, to follow my heart, not to let fear creep in, not to give in to society and what seems normal. I think about my husband. I am so thankful that our relationship is built on love, honesty, truth, communication and friendship.
There is a zen proverb that says I saw mountains as mountains, and waters as waters. When I arrived at a more intimate knowledge, I came to the point where I saw that mountains are not mountains, and waters are not waters. But now that I have got its very substance I am at rest. For it's just that I see mountains once again as mountains, and waters once again as waters. 13
13 Ch'uan Teng Lu, 22. (The Way of Zen 126)
Everything will come back to “normal” even if it seems weird now.