One of the most common reasons we don't end up meeting our goals is because we don’t believe they are within our reach so we sabotage our efforts.
If what you are doing is not lining up with your hearts truth and your ultimate goals, you are in some form of self-sabotage.
You may be aware of times you have wanted something badly but thought it was not possible, and then suddenly through your limiting beliefs you sabotage your own efforts and prove yourself right. It was not possible.
You may not be aware – you may just think yourself a victim that things never work out for.
Try to become aware of your thoughts and actions and see if they are in alignment with what you really want.
If you think you can – you can and will, if you think you can’t, you can’t and wont.
Ways to overcome Self-Sabotage:
1. Is there an old identity, belief, or story about yourself you're holding onto?
Ask yourself is there an old trauma, wound or situation which you now identify yourself by?
Did you grow up within a dysfunctional family?
Did your parents divorce, or were you sad?
Was life fun growing up?
Perhaps your story is that you are better off on your own, or loved ones will always abandon you.
Or maybe you were picked on in school, teased and bullied for having a different skin colour.
My story was that I did not fit in and was not good enough.
Feel this story in your body, your skin, your cells and bones. Is it true? Notice whether you have started to identify with this untruth. See if you can create in your mind a more positive version of your story. A new way that you would like to present yourself to the world.
I can now say I love being different and feel blessed not to be the same as others. I have nothing to prove to anyone. I am being the most truthful authentic version of myself
2. Who are you are trying to protect?
Often our fear stems from a fear of success, not failure. Is there someone you are hesitant to succeed over?" Is there someone you think may be hurt or may reject you if you are more successful or happier than they are?
Having already offended a yogi sista through my success I am very mindful of my teaching, where I teach and to whom I teach. This is probably left over patterns of me being a people pleaser. Can I be true to myself and risk a friendship even if it means choosing my dreams and myself over someone else’s?
Is there a person in your life this reminds you of?
Try this meditation
Come into a comfortable seated position, spine straight, follow your breath, be still, imagine them sat beside a fire with you. Have a clear conversation releasing them to live their own life fully. State to yourself that you will no longer play small out of a mistaken belief that you are protecting them. Instead, know and believe that living your best life inspires and uplifts everyone around you.
Let this idea soak into your bones, cells and every fibre of your being. Inhale and visualize your dreams coming true, exhale love and compassion to those you previously tried to protect wishing them well. Sit with this vibration. When you are ready gently open your eyes and bathe in this glow.
Marianne Williamson describes this perfectly in this famous quote.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
3. Use affirming words to describe your actions.
Instead of "I can't." "I won't." "I'll never be able to...", use words that affirm. Catch yourself the next time you say "I can't" and reverse it. As Henry Ford eloquently stated, "Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right."
Work on changing your language to change your mind. Choose empowered, encouraging statements.
Through a lot of self work and observation I know where my idea of can’t stems from. My mother often starts sentences with “No” even when the answer is yes! Now I can love and accept her for all she is but I do not need to repeat the voice that belongs to her. This inner dialogue is not mine. I don’t need to fear failure and not try, I need to fear not trying and playing small.
4. Reward yourself for every positive action.
Are you able to enjoy contentment, satisfaction, joy, happiness?
Do your recognise happiness and allow yourself to feel good? Can you shout out loud “I love my life.”
Do you remember being carefree, laughing and feeling genuinely good - knowing things were going to turn out well? Do you have faith that life is inherently good?
Can you remember the time when you lost this faith? Get to the root of where and when your positive worldview shifted. Make a promise to yourself to start to recognize good things again.
Every time you make someone smile, finish a job, have an enriching conversation, roll out your yoga mat, eat clean and healthily, start to recognise these nuggets of goodness.
Recognise the difference you make, not only to others but to yourself, notice the breeze on your skin, the rain on your cheeks, the sunshine warming your blood.
Write 1 sentence a day containing a moment of happiness and 1 containing a positive reflection on your life.
You are incredible start to act like it!
If you are interested in reading more on self sabotage and ways you can identify it and move beyond its grip click here